When I feel this way, many of my usual tricks for lesser stressors don't work. My first line of attack usually includes walking in nature, reading a book, eating chocolate -- activities that in normal circumstances feel good, help me sink back down into my body. But when life's surprises feel too big for these simple strategies, I find myself lost, not sure how to bring my spirit back down to earth. 

The two things that work for me are 1) hanging out with a dear friend who really gets me and is willing to listen while I cry and vent all my fears and 2) writing. These are what heal me. At first, when I'm feeling lost, I can't yet find my way to writing. I'm empty of spirit and filled with fear. Talking to a friend allows me to pour out the overwhelming angst inside, which makes room for my frightened spirit to return. Writing is the lure that pulls my spirit back into my body. Once my spirit returns, those first line activities help again, reminding me of the joy of simple pleasures. But until I take those bigger steps, the ones that clear out all the muck and bring back my soul, the simple pleasures don't seem to register. 

When my daughter was in the hospital this summer, I hardly ate. I took no walks. I read nothing. I wrote nothing. I was dry and empty of spirit, filled with fear and also with the need to focus on the immediate needs of our situation, staying on top of everything at the hospital, making sure the medical plans went as intended and that no mistakes were made (this is a rant for another day), being certain that both my kids' needs were met each day, etc. 

It's been a month since then. Even a week at the beach, my usual favorite healing place, did not bring me back into my skin. I continued to find myself sad and fearful and itching in some internal way I can't describe other than to call it -- unsettled. But a long lunch with a friend, who allowed me to pour out my angst and voice every fear cleansed something inside me. And left me with a different itch - the itch to pick up a pen and put words on a page. With every word I wrote, I felt my soul slide back another bit into my body. And now chocolate tastes good again and walking renews me again and reading excites me again and writing -- writing heals.

So if life drops an unwelcome surprise and you find yourself itchy and uncomfortable in a way you can't quite explain, seek that which helps your spirit find its way home. Find someone willing to contain your fears, to clear out space for your spirit to return -- maybe it's a friend, maybe it's a therapist or counselor. You may find that you need for it to be someone other than your spouse or bff, other than someone who has been a part of the whole scene, someone who's a step or two removed from the situation. But when you find that someone who's willing to hold it all for you, get it out. And then, once the emptying has happened, it's time to fill up in whatever way works for you, whatever way pulls your spirit back in, for me it's writing. For you it might be cooking or drawing or singing. Hopefully, you'll be feeling your self again in no time. 

Happy healing <3